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Cutting Ties of the False Father

Today I thought "I'm grateful to not be around you anymore." A dead weight, over the past few years, is lifting off of me. Something I held on to, with a fear-filled grip...wishing and hoping. I looked to you as a father but didn't get a father's love in return. I tried so hard to make you proud. To do everything right. When I did things right, it wasn't enough. When I made mistakes, I was treated like I was the worst. You treated me unfairly. You put me into positions of having to choose when I shouldn't have had to choose at all. I had to play sides. I feared I'd say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing. Who gets to love me today? You or my mom? Who should I make happy? You or my mom? Who should I be afraid of? You or my mom? Did you even love me? Did you ever respect me? So much of my childhood feels fake when I look at the relationship I thought we had. So much of my effort was laid to waste. My love was not returned. You cast me off.  I was throw

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