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Finding Acceptance and Inspiration

If you had told me 10 years ago that some women liked porn...I don't think I would have believed it. It seemed like such a "man" thing. It seemed so out of line with what I thought women would like...what I would like... What did I like? In my younger years, after we had a satellite dish installed, I discovered the Playboy channel. I watched shows on it a few times, one being Sex Court, which I found entertaining and the other was a talk show ( can't recall the name. ) I remember feeling curious yet totally worried about being " caught "...there was shame associated. Even though, it was the most actual sex education I ever had. Now, this may come as a shock in one way or another to you, but... I like porn. It's a profound, " holy crap " sort of realization that is completely liberating. For a long time, I blamed porn for part of why my relationship with my ex-husband was not great in some areas. What I didn't realize at the time, it wasn&#
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Learning to Shine Bright

I came to the conclusion that one of the reasons I'm feeling stuck with the Woman Ignited course right now, is because I've been trying to continually shrink myself into a smaller size. I'm not talking about my physical body, more I'm talking about my metaphysical body. My spirit. My soul. My personality. Everything that makes me, ME. I try to shrink my feelings and my emotions. I hide my childlike exuberance by holding back smiles and laughter. I'm afraid to be big. To have big energy. To laugh without holding back. I'm afraid to let myself shine. To let all of the light in, and have that light wrap around me like a warm blanket. No. I'm not worthy of having so much loving light. Why the fuck am I not worthy? Who said I'm not? I have come to another conclusion that part of why I feel this way is because I'm mentally and emotionally tired of being judged.  I've been judged since I was young for being my mom's daughter (literally because I ca

My Body Mythology- The Second Offense

I remember one evening at 10 years old, I went to the bathroom and noticed something on my underwear. A mysterious dark spot. I freaked out. I thought something was wrong with me. I told my mom. She said that I might be starting my period and to put a pad on.  If I woke up with something on it, I was having my first period. GREAT. Womanhood starting at 10. It's not like I wasn't already embarrassed that by the time I was in 4th grade my breasts were developing. I was already seen as weird. Now I had my period at 10, right before starting 5th grade. I woke up the next morning with blood on the pad. I was so very, very sad. My mom printed out information for me so I could learn about my period and what it meant. It was very straightforward. There wasn't specialness to it or any sort of celebration- it was all matter of fact, and thanks to the internet, the conversation was very simple. I remember giving a note to the teacher, letting her know that I might have to go to the nu