Finding My Flow

Do you know what's intimidating?

Being someone who has felt like they have yet to figure out what it is in life they want to do, and making financial investments on courses that (should) help them figure that exact thing out.

However, people do not tell you that you'll be riddled with doubt.

That when you finish a module, you'll wonder if you retained anything at all. Will you actually remember? Did you truly digest anything?

You're told you have the tools you need- they already exist inside you - and you wonder if that person knows how funny that sounds to a person who identifies as Neurodivergent. Especially when one is still feeling into their self-diagnosis...thinking "What tools do I have that a person who is Neurotypical would want?"

Oh, the mysteries! The intrigue!

I'm learning along the way, with some wonderful chats with new friends...something that I took away today was that learning should be pleasurable. 

I derive pleasure from learning about topics that intrigue me and inspire me.

I find pleasure in setting aside time for myself to listen and read about the topic.

Figuring out my learning style is all part of the process, and coming to terms that I'm not being graded in a traditional sense is very strange yet comforting.

I'm realizing that I'm still looking at all of this from a perfectionistic point of view- accepting that I am NOT a walking/talking computer and that I really will have the rest of my waking life to build up on what I am learning NOW. I think I've been thinking that there is some sort of idea that I'm supposed to remember everything word for word....that even tho this isn't a program to cut me into a perfect cookie shape, that somehow that's exactly what will happen. I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself with perceived expectations rather than really allowing a natural flow to occur.

Specifically, I wanted to get a giant jump start on Module 2, but instead, I've been feeling super scattered with my focus and energy. A new furnace is getting installed at home and there is a bunch of noise and commotion to deal with. People coming and saving grace was a Zoom meeting with a FEC peer, which really made my day a whole lot better.

Funny how one aspect of this program that I was extremely fearful of (engaging with fellow FEC peers) is actually something I'm very much enjoying. So far, it's been delightfully micro-dosed into perfect amounts, and it gives me a source of comfort. I will be able to succeed in this program, and I will have the opportunity to practice my coaching with peers- it isn't as scary as I made it out to be. 

This whole thing experience really tests me mentally and emotionally- I'm finding intrigue in the situation rather than wanting to run for the hills. Overall, I think that's a very positive thing and it brings me a lot of joy to say that. 

I'm also finding my own flow with how I best do and engage- figuring out if I should stick with one course at a time or add on as I'm in this beautiful transitional period of wanting to welcome in "all the things." 

(Update! All The Things has won. I just signed up for Integrative Pelvic Health training from Embodied Healing Arts. I plan to sign up for the Breath Flow program later 2023 or 2024.)

As I think in a way, the best time and way for me to adapt to a schedule or situation is to dive in head first- and find my rhythm as I go.  

This is such a delight. A curious, wonderful, and thoughtful delight. To think that there is no wrong answer or right answer- just possibilities.


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