Happyness Life

As the year comes to a close, I'm looking back on 2019 feeling a lot better about life than I did in 2018.

It's not that 2019 hasn't had challenging times, because who actually has a perfect year?

I would say, tho, that I found more of myself within the past few months of 2019 than I expected.

I'm excited. I'm actually a little apprehensive, but it's all in a good way.
I'm actually happy that I'm feeling butterflies in my stomach about what I want to accomplish in 2020. As a human, I'm a continual work in progress. I have to believe that I do have enough time in life to progress in the areas I hope to. Take a solo trip via a flight to Arizona. Live life.

Part of my growth was creating this space for me to write more freely. I have cultivated a positive space on all things mountain-bike-centered, but it left a lot of "life" to the wayside. I don't want to say that this space is a less professional area, but it promotes my blunt self th…

In 2019 I made the decision to start working on healing my sexual self. What an immense undertaking! Personal growth and change is not something for the faint of heart.

There have been times where I've gone one step forward and wanted to go two steps back.

More or less because I am challenged by exiting the comfortable box that I've built. The comfort zone. It exists to keep you safe, but there are times it can inhibit the journey.

It's a struggle bus sometimes, especially because I'm enjoying my newfound sensuality, but self-doubt has a way of sneaking in while the door is shutting.

Truth Telling:
1. I was sexually abused when I was 4, which created some confusion for me because I knew about stuff that was beyond my age to understand. I also felt shame and anger in my older years because when I looked back, I felt like most of the adults (aside from my mom) didn't feel empathy for my situation. I felt like it was looked at like "Well, that's too bad, but…

Leading up to Christmas I was for lack of better words, a slightly cantankerous bitch.

Okay, maybe I'm being a little hard on myself.

I found myself feeling extremely stressed out for no good reason other than, I possibly felt like I was drowning in the infamous sea of what I felt were expectations. I was really excited about a gift I bought for Travis, and even tho I knew he'd love it, I still felt nervous.

Since my dad died, I really haven't felt like making myself go through the motions of attending all of the Christmases. I don't have it in me at this point. I acknowledge that I know folks want to see me, but at this time it still hurts too much in my heart to make myself walk through the door and not see my dad sitting in the chair like he always did.

I'm not ready for the small talk.

I'm not ready to hear all of the voices of all of the people and all of the kids.
The thing I enjoyed most about attending Christmas, was spending time with my dad. I could …

I created this space to allow me the freedom to write out my life experiences while I work towards implementing Happyness Life into my life.

What is Happyness Life?


Honestly, I'm figuring it out as I go, which is completely unhelpful to those who are thinking I've discovered some sort of magical way to go about my day and be happy doing it.

Happyness. It's a word that my dad misspelled and I love that he did so.
This space is probably going to be NSFW in terms of my writing. It's going to be a lot more open, honest, and raw. There will be cuss words (because I actually love swearing IRL) and I'm going to talk about subjects that may be uncomfortable for some. So if you are not keen on reading about how a person is trying to reclaim their sexual self, are triggered by conversations surrounding sex, abuse, eating disorders, and flirting with being sober curious/drinking- you have been warned. I will be dredging up some of my personal experiences that are uncomfortabl…