F*ckfinity Adventures Vol. 3

Oh, where or where do I start?

I had an interesting experience recently, with an online store that I shall not name, that resulted in me going on an adventure to re-discover my voice and heal the 5lb weighted diamond that resided within my throat.

Yeah, spiritually I have had a weight in my throat for at least 30 years. That weight prevented me from feeling quietly confident in whatever it is I felt I had to say. Especially if it was me sticking up for myself- because that's something I've struggled with doing in the past.

I learned a lesson over the past month or so, that if my gut feeling gives any sort of indication that something just might not be quite right, I should listen- which is exactly what I didn't do right away.
I felt like if I kept giving the benefit of the doubt, all would go well. 
I also took into account that I am one that doesn't like to stir the pot, complain, or otherwise make life difficult for others. I tolerate a lot of BS. That wears on me. The situation wore on me.

I received multiple products that didn't meet my own standards for quality, and as soon as my standards were challenged- I should have taken that as a sign that this wouldn't end up being my new, favorite, go-to for pleasure products. It's sad really because I loved the vibe and perceived beauty of the online shop- but to me, it ended up being a situation where I judged the book by the cover and it turned out to be a book that didn't interest me.

My situation with the online shop had me questioning myself, my standards, and temporarily- my sanity.
Was I crazy? Was I seeing scratches and such that I shouldn't actually be concerned about? If I was crazy enough to be concerned about a blemish and email them- then why did they send replacement products?

Yet in several instances, their replacement products had scratches. I tried to express my concerns- and did so before 7 days were up, but because they didn't receive and respond to the messages until the 6th and 7th day, I was SOL.

Then this last order where I had a chip on a Carnelian egg- and was told that it was likely just the natural coloring of the stone- was the straw that broke my metaphorical back.

I reached a point of exhaustion with being gaslit.
I was tired of being told I was wrong.
I was tired of feeling like my truth wasn't believable.
I was tired of not feeling like my concerns were valid.

I wasn't out for free products or anything, but I wanted the quality of item I felt like I was paying for- which I don't think is a heck of a lot to ask.

I wrote a letter expressing my dissatisfaction over multiple situations over the past few months- to which once I hit send, I thought I was going to barf. My nerves were on high alert the rest of the day, and it definitely contributed to my lack of sleep last night.

Long story short, a resolution should be happening as I was offered to send back the products for a refund. 

All in all, this situation with all of the emotional and mental discomfort it gifted me, also gave me the radical gift of leaning into myself. Sticking up for myself. Working through some deep-seated shit- I finally feel a true sense of calm confidence.

I'm speaking my truth to set me free. I've held my tongue for far too long in life. I'm tired of being afraid.


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