Taking A Deep Dive Into Myself
2021...the year that was supposed to be my "it" year...and it turned out to be as challenging or more so than 2020. Go figure! It's laughable that I continue to declare each year "my year to shine"...to really break down my walls and grow wild and free. Become sexually confident, become confident in general. Really take life by the metaphorical horns and live. I mean LIVE...
Instead, I got knocked down by uterine fibroids that caused me chronic pain and discomfort for months on end. I'm glad I eventually got things checked out in June, but I hold a small bit of shame over the fact I waited so damn long. I was uncomfortable for quite some time before my ultrasound appointment- it affected my personality on a daily basis. It took away my sex drive, my self-pleasure drive, even my desire to go mountain biking...thwarted from pain.
I had a procedure done around the end of October that rid me of the fibroid causing the most issues. Now I'm in this period of healing where my menstrual cycles are fucked up. My first period post-procedure wasn't bad at all. My second period doesn't seem to want to end (at least bleeding-wise.)...I'm cramp-free tho, so I'll take what little wins I can.
Our cat, Figgy had to have a surgical procedure done on his jaw to prevent him from having to deal with lockjaw (jaw locking open) and that required some trips to a veterinary hospital 3 hours away. Overnight stays, minor complications, and 48 hours of just blissful time in a hotel having lots of sex...there (obviously) is good and bad to the whole bit. At this time, I can say that Figgy is doing well, but we are going to monitor him for other possible health issues.
I decided on a whim of sorts, during the month of November, that I would follow my heart and sign up to work with who I would consider a friend- they are starting up a 1:1 coaching business of their own and I've followed their growth for around a year now (or so)...and they were the inspiration for my signing up for the Erotic Blueprint course last year/early this year. I was progressing with the course for a while, but then when things became physically uncomfortable for me- my brain couldn't focus. My attention kept being pulled away- so I walked away. The good thing is that I can go back to it at any point in time, and I'm starting to go back to it right now.
I'll receive coaching for 6 months, and during this time I'm going back to the Blueprint course to work on that more. Because I believe that what I'm really wanting to do and save up for, won't come to fruition if I can't get myself to complete a course I signed up for.
What is it you might ask?
Well. I'm seriously contemplating...and I mean Seriously with a capital S...
wanting to take a certification/training to become a sex coach.
One might think "Oh JosieJo, why are you considering this? Aren't there plenty of coaches already for that stuff?"
There are plenty of Cosmetologists out in the world, yet more get licensed every year.
There are plenty of Wands out there, yet more companies make them in all sorts of sizes and strengths.
There are plenty of IPAs out there, yet more breweries make different flavors and styles of them.
There are plenty of mountain bike groups, yet more areas create groups to better accommodate to more folks.
Contemplating the idea of sex therapy is something that I've seriously pondered about yet told myself "Nah, I'm not good enough for that."
Yet, maybe after I work through some stuff, I might be absolutely perfect for it. Considering some of the challenges I've had to overcome over the years: sexual abuse, sexual assault, being verbally abused in a wide variety of ways by my step-dad and first ex-boyfriend. Not to mention being told I wanted sex too much by my ex-husband (when he was my boyfriend), plus going through some major life experiences that caused big pauses with pursuing pleasure. Death, grief, depression, and anxiety- then chronic pain. Overall, it's a good summary of various things that have come my way that have influenced me as a person- growing up and into adulthood.
The list is complex. It's filled with challenges. I could be someone that could potentially relate to a multitude of persons who are dealing with complexities of their own.
I've always had a strong desire to do something helpful for other humans. I've always been drawn to trying to find a life-work and/or purpose that could be used to help others.
I've always been unafraid to talk about sex- but really shut myself down about it because of societal expectations. I shut myself down after feeling drowned by the shame thrown at me by people who were not willing to be open. Who thought conversations surrounding anything around sex or the female body were "stupid" or not of value.
I want to help facilitate conversations surrounding sex and pleasure.
I want to help people to feel, truly feel, that they are worthy of pleasure.
I want to help people achieve their personal goals of growth and progression.
I want to hold people close who are working through some deep shit, and be there for them as they open themselves up to heal.
I'm a slut for learning. A slut for sharing. A slut for loving.
I am keeping my eye on a couple of programs that I am interested in learning if one is a better fit than the other. 2022 will be me working on my own shit, researching, and saving. I won't be signing up for a program that
I'm devising how much I am going to save per paycheck, per week, per month that will go towards paying for the certification/course.
I am throwing this out there to the world because I want to share this journey and hold myself accountable for something that I truly feel passionate about. To not let myself get scared out of trying. Because I Am Worthy of following a passion. I am Worthy of investing in myself. I am Worthy. Period.