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Living An Orgasmic Life: A Book Review

The whole title of the book is: Living An Orgasmic Life: Heal Yourself and Awaken Your Pleasure by Xanet Pailet and Emily Morse

This is one of several books I purchased to learn about and embrace my sexual side.

One, the cover art is colorful and fun, and second it when reading the description of the book several things resonated with me.
Overcome your discomfort
Awaken your sexuality
Add sex back into your marriage

It also says it's a recommended read if: You have read Sex Rx, Urban Tantra, Come as You Are, or Womancode, Living An Orgasmic Life is a must read.

Why it's so hard to talk about sex in a world where everything is about sex
How sexual trauma can occur and how to heal it
How to reignite your libido
What you can do to start living an orgasmic life

Obviously, this seemed to cover everything I was wishing to work on, so I took the plunge and purchased the book with an open mind and heart. For me, I knew I had experienced sexual trauma a few times in my life. Sexual abuse from a step-brother, sexual abuse from an ex-boyfriend, and several issues tied in with my ex-husband. What I also didn't expect was to learn that I potentially had verbal abuse from my step-dad, whether or not he understood that what he was saying could have detrimental effects on me mentally when it came to my body. So in essence, as I dove into the book, I had to take a hard look at what I went through growing up and how it could have affected me both mentally and emotionally.

What contributed to my shutting down sexually?
What actions would I need to take in order to work on healing?

As the author writes, "Sex Sells" and we are definitely swimming around in a world where you are essentially using a woman orgasming to sell a cheeseburger. So many everyday, mundane things are sold with using sex appeal. It is mentally exhausting yet it's so ingrained in our society, yet with that being a common thing, talking about sex and masturbation is still a seemingly taboo topic. Especially for women, because for some reason, it's supposedly shameful for us to talk about sex unless it's with our closest friends or a doctor. Hell, when I was married to my ex-husband I definitely didn't want to talk about my sex life with my doctor. It was embarrassing. 

I appreciated the talk about women's libido in the book, as it was something I found to be very challenging for me. My issue was that I had gone through a supremely traumatic experience and that shook my world. I was consumed and overwhelmed with grief and estate business and my brain simply couldn't shut down. My quest for orgasms became something that ultimately put excess pressure on myself. My clitoris had stage fright. She didn't want anything to do with helping a sister out. A lot of what was going on was all in my head, with a brain that couldn't relax. 

Depression and anxiety were also factors, and dealing with my libido after starting medication was challenging as well. What took so long to understand was I am not able to perform well under pressure. Every sexual encounter I was having with my husband was making me stress the fuck out. I worried about if it would take excessively long for me to orgasm. I was ashamed that I couldn't get myself off with rubbing my clit but having to use a toy. I was ashamed that when I used a toy, it seemed to need to be on the highest setting possible to force a climax. 

I wasn't giving myself room to breathe. I was so focused on everything other than simply enjoying the moment. I was not in the moment, but completely out of the moment.

It was helpful to read about shame and how it can affect us sexually, and it was also good for me to read about how if a woman experiences pleasure regularly, she will desire sex more often. I realized that one of the things I had to do, was open up to pleasuring myself on a regular basis. I needed to get over my shame of masturbation (which need not exist in the first place) and enjoy learning about what feels good to me. Kind of like "use it or lose it" and I had gone through a full year of pretty much losing it. I needed to accept that it would take time and patience to build myself back up.

There is quite a bit of tantric talk, which makes sense since the author became a tantric educator. For some, this may open doors for further reading/discovery. Otherwise, it was part of her journey into becoming a sex educator and we'll say, living an orgasmic life.

This, overall, is a book that I feel many folks could appreciate reading. Especially those who are open to some "New Age" ways of thinking. In one section she talks about chakra colors and meanings and what they are like if they are excessive, deficient, or balanced.  The other part I liked was at the end there was a workbook of sorts where you are asked questions about each chapter. Instead of writing in the book I opted to take photos of each question so I could potentially use them as writing material for Happyness Life. (I can't stand the thought of writing in my book!)

Reviews for this book were (overall) good and if you do not already have a library of books on women and sexual health, then this could definitely be an option to read. Overall it was an easy read, and it kept me interested up until the end. It was a book that got me thinking, which was something I could appreciate. Now, if you have a lot of books on women and sexuality, one review said that she did talk about some of the same things written in books over the past 10 years, so it may or may not be a book you'd want to look at if you already have several other options. For myself, it was a great book to read as an introduction to working on my sexual self and I would recommend it to others looking to do the same. 


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