I take each day as it comes, but I can't separate myself from the mental anxiety that creeps up when I hear of something tragic. I'm paying attention to the ages in the obituaries and feeling a sense of dread when I see ages 60 and below.
People drying from various causes from heart attack to ALS.
People finding out that they have cancer.
People having a brain aneurysm.
Nothing screams "Life is a gift" like seeing it being ripped away from others.
What are you going to do?
I have never been more serious in my mission to live what is left of my life to the fullest. To do whatever it is that my heart wants to do. Go on adventures. See different places. Try different foods. Not allow myself to say "Someday" so much. Obviously, I will be living life responsibly because I have a job and I can't go off willynilly. However, I refuse to allow myself to say "no" based on fear and uncertainty.
I want to experience passion.
I want to feel pleasure.
I want to see places, do things, and enjoy the fact that my body allows me to do these things right now.
I don't want to be sitting in a chair or a bed, loathing myself for taking life for granted and not doing.
I know I may die with some mild regrets, but I don't want to die full of regrets.
No more denying myself. Scaring myself out of ideas. I'm not going to hold out hope on reincarnation to come back and do whatever it is I didn't do, because really? This world is a scary-ass place and I'm not sure I'd want to come back to it. So now is the time to do what I want to do. Live how I want to live. Be who I want to be.
I'm grateful for the health I have and what better way to show appreciation than to live?
We are, in reality, dying a little each and every day. Life is a game of roulette- you don't know what will get. At any time, there could be a bullet. It could be quick or it could be long and drawn out. The thing is, you never know and you can't let the fear of the unknown hang over your head.
Now, I'm not saying to be irresponsible and quit your job to travel the world- the reality is you have to be a responsible human. I'm saying that you can give yourself permission to allow yourself to live a bit more than you do now. Maybe it's not beating yourself up for watching your favorite movie over and over on your day off because you love it. Perhaps it's buying the book you've been curious about and making time to read it instead of letting it sit. If you feel drawn to go for a walk, go for a walk! Stop telling yourself you'll look silly being outside. Maybe you've always wanted a designer bag, so make it a point to save some money each week so you can purchase it without stressing over bills. Have you always wanted to go on a trip? What stopped you? Fear? Finances? Talk to someone and figure that shit out. I know of so many folks who have a limited income who managed to save up to take a short vacation so they could see something new. There are ways, you just need to gather information and do what works for you.
Life is a gift and it's worth living while you're able to fully immerse yourself. Be good to yourself: your mind, body, and soul. Take care of yourself. Move your body, eat nourishing food (and allow a treat here and there!) Read books or watch t.v. shows that thrill you and make you think. Tell the people important to you how much they mean to you. Show love. Give hugs. Pleasure yourself. Help yourself be the best you that you can be. Don't take living for granted.