Skip to main content

Embrace Your Sexy Life Vol. 4

It hit me like a tidal wave, the overwhelming feeling of self-doubt. I stood in front of the mirror, pulling up on my skin to make my breasts look perkier.

I told myself to stop it, but I couldn't.

It's not that they are terribly saggy, but they are not (imo) what you would find on an 18-year-old. I'm 35. No shit. I started to judge my left boob over my right because it isn't as full as the right one. You know, something that is extremely typical and common as total symmetry between body parts is rare.

I looked at my face. I looked at the rest of my body. I fell down into a dark hole.

This whole journey of sexual awakening and self-awareness can sometimes backfire in my face. Hubby thinks it's because I am seeing so many different bodies on social media now. Also, since I have started periodically watching porn, it feels like attractive bodies are everywhere. It's almost impossible for me to completely withhold comparisons and judgemental thoughts against myself sometimes.

Embracing my Sexy Life means that I have to accept that sometimes I will go two steps back when it comes to my self-love goals. I have years upon years of negative self-talk and opinions of myself that need to be worked on. Slowly but surely, bit by bit, I chip away at some of the walls I have built up around myself.

I have regular proof that my husband finds me attractive.
I have days where I feel foxy AF.
So even tho I have perceived imperfections when it comes to how I physically look, in theory, everyone has something.

The reality is: I like myself enough the way I am, that I'm not going to surgically alter anything, even tho I think it might make me feel a little happier. Really, I feel like it would be temporary happiness and then my thoughts would shift to something else that I don't like. It's no different than when I lost weight. I thought being skinnier would make everything better, but it turns out that it really didn't. Even tho I thought and felt "good" it didn't boost my confidence in the way that I thought it would. Also, it attracted negative attention from my fellow female classmates. I was judged and called names over it. So, even if I did something to give myself what I would deem "perfect boobs" I acknowledge that it wouldn't actually "fix" anything with me.

I'm also trying to ignite my Sexy Life during the throes of winter, and this time of year is pretty much a heaping pile of bullcrap. My time outdoors is limited, I'm cold, it's grey (lack of sunshine) and I'm just more inclined to feel "blah."

I guess this means I should masturbate more often.

What I think:
Don't expect your life to do a full 360 shift when it comes to embracing your Sexy Life, especially if you've struggled for years to accept yourself. There will be days where you'll feel absolutely sexy and other days where you wonder "What the fuck am I trying to do?"

I think it's normal. Change is hard, if it wasn't, everyone would be the best version of themselves from the getgo. Relationships with others and with yourself would be easy and effortless. Reality is, it's not. Change brings out the best and worst in us at any given moment. The best thing to do, when you're feeling afraid of change, is to be gentle with yourself. Allow the feelings to exist, but remember that they exist because you are doing something amazing. You are growing. You are healing. You are learning to love yourself.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Pipedream 3Some Rock N Ride Review

When I was given the opportunity to review the 3Some Rock N Ride , I was stoked! I'm really intrigued with finding the perfect DP toy that I could use solo or with partnered sex. This luxury toy sounded like it would be a great mix of what I had already experienced with the 3Some Total Ecstasy, but with slightly different shapes and potential improvements. The Rock N Ride would have a neat little handle to allow you to position the toy and make it move without having to just grind on it. I liked how the anal stimulator was smaller and tapered, because not every time do I want to insert a fuller anal plug right at the get-go, even if it does feel good once in. Sometimes I'm more in the mood for anal teasing instead of the filled up feeling, and the beaded anal plug would do just that. The G-spot stimulator is of similar shape to the 3Some Total Ecstasy, so I knew it would feel good without question. What I was most excited about was the ribbed clitoral stimulator mo

JimmyJane Form 2 Review: Did I Experience Dynamic Stimulation?

During my quest to find a vibrator that I could use during "sexy time" with my hubby, I came across the JimmyJane Form 2 vibrator . It's a hand-held vibrator that is small enough in size to be useful in multiple positions and not get in the way. Being that I enjoy bright, fun colors, I chose the hot pink option. I guess there are times when I could be classified as a "girly girl" and when there is a vibrant shade of fuchsia to be had, I have to have it. Not to mention it is considered a body-safe and Phthalate-free toy! The Form 2 has two motors that make up the device, one in each ear. The instructions give you a variety of ideas on how to use the vibrator for your lower half or even on your nipples. You can hold the vibe in place or squeeze the ears. It's also waterproof, so you can enjoy tub time with a little stimulation if you so desire. I also chose this vibrator due to it having a travel lock, which I feel is a handy thing to have if one

Rocks-Off EveryGirl Rabbit Vibrator: Is It What I Want? Is It What I Need?

Today I will give you my candid take on the beautiful EveryGirl Rabbit Vibrator from the company called Rocks-Off. This vibrator came from SheVibe  and it comes in three colors, of which I chose the teal one because it seemed the happiest! Out of the toys I have experimented with, I had only one rabbit-style vibrator to my name, and I didn't pick it out myself. I didn't dislike the vibrator I already had, but I did wonder what was out there and if there could be some improvements to the style that I have yet to experience. I also wanted to try out something that was under $200, because not everyone is able to spend oodles of cash on a sex aid. The EveryGirl Rabbit Vibrator comes in at $82.99 ( right now at SheVibe it's $59.99! ) In my opinion, a very respectable price point for a rabbit-style vibrator that looks well made and has an independent dual-motor function. What I was most excited about when it came to the vibrator was the dual-motor function that all