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Becoming Cliterate: A Book Review

In the process of self-educating myself, I discovered the book
Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters--And How to Get It by Dr. Laurie Mintz and I highly recommend it to anyone who is curious about women and orgasms.

All in all, the book is very easy to read, and by easy to read, it's written in a style of writing that makes it enjoyable and entertaining, but extremely educational. It's not intimidating to read, and it even has a chapter in the back for men to read who are keen on learning more about how a woman's body works. In that chapter, men or women will also learn a little bit about male erections, how long men typically last during sex, etc.

The book talks openly about what encompasses sex (the reality is, penetrative sex is not the only sex out there.) You learn that on average, with a partner, it takes a woman between 15 to 45 minutes to have an orgasm whereas solo it could take 2 to 10 minutes! (for reference, this is on page19 in the book.)

You learn some tips on how to have important conversations with your partner on how to describe/show what feels good. You also have a section where you use a mirror to see yourself and engage in some self-exploration (and later touches) so you can truly get to know yourself and what makes you tick. The goal isn't to climax so much as immersing yourself in pleasurable feelings- but if you orgasm, that's a bonus!

What I appreciated was learning more about the complexities of a female orgasm. I've been down the road of having my mind overwhelmingly panicked due to worrying over how long it'll take me to cum during sex. It's not a fun road to be on and it does suck the enjoyment out of the experience.
I wasn't one that really thought that I "had" to cum during penetrative sex only, and I never thought I did in the first place. I would say that sex now is different than with my ex-husband, because with certain positions I could grind my clit against him and orgasm that way. With Hubby, I haven't quite been able to do that but found that I got off reliably most often when I rubbed my clit while he was penetrating me (most often when I was on my back, in doggy style I seem to have a ninja clit.) I never thought it was "wrong" or that I was "broken" when doing this, but early on, Hubby felt a little inferior. I now realize that he had the idea in his head either from women possibly faking orgasms or the concept of what you see in porn is more truth than fantasy: As a woman, I'm "supposed" to come from penetration alone.

Nope! Sorry! I've never had an orgasm from just fucking alone. I knew that it wasn't common, however, I felt a little bit ashamed that I needed to stimulate my clit in order to come. What was I supposed to think or do? Reading this book solidified to me that what I have been doing is completely normal and that many, many other women do the same thing.

Thank goodness!

There were many things I took away from this book that made me feel better about myself sexually. It was just the reading material I needed in order to shed light on the normalcy I experience sex-wise. I would read a few blurbs here and there to Hubby, so inadvertently making him learn along with me. (Ha!)

Dr. Laurie gives some good suggestions on where one could go online to purchase sex toys/lube. I will feature a few of my favorite sites at the bottom of this review for further consideration/options.

One of the things Dr. Laurie recommended was to look at videos of women masturbating so you can visually see different ways to pleasure yourself. She stresses that one does not want to look at porn, but you should look up a video that Betty Dodson has created or utilize the website for education. Porn is not always accurate when it comes to how women orgasm and these two resources will provide the best visual media in a non-intimidating fashion.
All in all, I highly recommend this book for any woman who is looking to learn more about her sexual self and who may have questions on orgasms. There is a lot of research that you can look at online, but this book put a lot of things together that really helped me to answer some questions I had without me having to scour online for hours. The author writes in a way that makes you feel really comfortable- it's almost like you're in her classroom! You truly feel like she cares and understands and she wants to help more women feel comfortable in their own skin.


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