For those that dislike the word...sorry! I don't care to use a cheeky phrase to describe self lovn'.
Two reasons masturbation is important to me#1. I'm in my 30's and still figuring out what the heck feels GOOD. Yes. I spent years hardly masturbating because of various reasons. One of which is shame. I'm not sure why I felt so much shame when it came to learning about my body and what gives me pleasure, but shame was there. It's not like I ever got in trouble for masturbating as a child. It's something I absolutely never explored. Maybe subconsciously it's because I had been sexually abused as a 4-year-old, so in my mind, my bits were something that shouldn't be messed around with. Even by my own hand.
Another thing was how I felt that in some way it was almost like cheating on my partner. I think because my ex-husband and I had so many issues that surrounded our sex life, that I felt like I wasn't worthy to have pleasure when I wasn't getting it otherwise. That if I did pleasure myself, it was taking something away from our sexual relationship.
Basically, there were a lot of messed up feelings when it came to ALLOWING myself pleasure.
#2. If I go without sex for too long my brain basically shuts it out. It's like sex doesn't exist, and that's completely awful considering I am married. We had a tough year in 2018 and my sex drive went down the shitter. I'm young, healthy, flexible, yet my brain had shut off any sort of sexual desire due to life. The unfortunate part of that was I had become so comfortable with the vanilla flavor and so petrified of my challenges with orgasming, I found myself continually avoiding sex.
Nooo!Especially since I secretly love sex. I have for a long time. I had unfortunate situations/issues/experiences that made me feel like me wanting sex/enjoying sex/being sexual was BAD. It's not bad. Not at all. In fact, that side of me was desired and I was afraid to let her out.
To allow Sexy Life is to say you ARE a sexual being, you enjoy sex, and you want to enjoy sex more and make it better. Open yourself up to the possibilities you have denied yourself. This means you need to learn about yourself and what turns you on. What stimulates your senses. What makes you desire it.
Masturbation is one of the best ways to figure out what makes you tick. Vibrations, shapes, spots (like G, A, or whatever spot you're seeking), and what motions feel good. I have not been good to my sexual self because I rarely allowed (yes, I'll say allowed) myself to masturbate. For some reason, I felt like it was wrong of me to do so, because if we weren't having sex, why should I have sex with myself? The biggest killer to my own libido was not having sex with myself. If I had allowed myself to pleasure myself without worry, anxiety, or guilt, I probably would have been having a lot more sex!
I found stimulating my desire, mentally and physically, stimulated my desire for sex. It's completely natural and so very, very human of ourselves to allow self-pleasuring.
Masturbation allows you to safely explore what turns you on. It's not just about touching yourself, but I feel it's also about seeing what else stimulates your senses. Read an erotic novel and explore watching porn- what entices you? Are you visual, mental, or both? Allow yourself to fantasize and do not be afraid to share those desires with your partner. If your partner is anything like Hubby is/was, then they will want to know what turns you on- so you need to explore and exploration is and can be, extremely fun!
Allow yourself to embrace your Sexy Life and pursue self-exploration. You just might surprise yourself with what you find.